Some days are weirder than others.

I woke up today already hoping the day was over – I had to do to my annual visit to the OBYG. Every woman knows the feeling – you really are never exactly dying to open your legs to that dude. But science tells you should do it every year – there are more and more women with breast and other cancers, and all sorts of diseases. The more I think about it, the more I feel like a winner for not having any of those innumerable problems that we can have, and the more I conclude that it’s a matter of time till one day I have one of those, that they are just sitting on a shelf, quietly looking down, waiting to be picked up by my body. That’s what I am reminded of, every time I go see a doctor. Is this the time? Is this when I will hear some kind of horrific news? No, I am not a hypochondriac , I just happen to think about this kind of shit every now and then. And I go on thinking about Buddha and the concept that everyone will go through old age, disease and death…  that it all is unavoidable and life is suffering because of all this crap that no way, we have to go through.

And then I immediately change the channel in my mind and think what I am going to do next, and think what makes this guy choose this insane job – how can you make a living out of looking into pussies all day long? I hope it’s to see babies coming out of them, otherwise, I would say it’s kind of sick. Well, at least for me.

So there I was, thinking about life, pussies, babies and so on, when the doctor entered the room, where I was already in, waiting in a very bad mood. Looking back now, I wonder if what followed was a kind of the doctor’s revenge to my bad mood (no, not really).  He first examined my eyes and neck – that’s when trouble already came. He touched my neck over and over, and asked me to swallow, and said that he wanted to see an ultrasound of my thyroid.  “Do you feel like I have a mass there?” I asked. “Not sure, but I’d like to check it out, let me see it again…” and there came the choking again -  “Yes, get me an image of that as soon as possible.”

There I was: opened legs, the actual exam itself had not even been made yet and my day was already ruined. I wondered what else he was going to find there, but thank God, the revenge stopped right there at the thyroid – also completed with the nice note “it might be nothing, it might be a benign mass, it might be cancer”.

Aahhhn, got it. Thanks!

I thought of Warren Zevo “Son, let me brake it to you – your shit is fucked up.”

Today was Friday, and I thought “no way this thyroid shit is going to drag over my weekend”, and I was quick to call and make the appointment to do the ultrasound. One hour later I was laying down on the other clinic’s bed, with gel all over my neck, having my thyroid scanned. Of course, during that hour a lot of things went through my mind… people that I wanted to see, stuff that I still wanted to do with my life.  At the “Imaging Center”, in the room and on the bed, I looked at the ceiling and noticed that people there had been nice enough to put a kind of a Christmas tree ball hanging right above the place where the patients put their heads. I counted the number of rings that the ball had: 9, mostly red. The scanning is silent, so it was just myself, the technician, and her typing on the computer keyboard, frantically, every now and then. I was afraid that the typing got faster when she saw something. When I heard “you’re all set”, I asked to see the image and the technician allowed me to. I saw a light, homogeneous area and concluded “it’s all good!” – to what the woman replied “yes, you can have a good weekend”. She was not supposed to let me know the results, but I guess I run to it faster and she agreed…

I’ve never felt so alive… (well… only another time, when this same doctor thought that I had a mass in my breast… should I see this doctor ever again, on second thought?)

I went to and Indian restaurant at night with Christian, later we went for a long walk with Truffles, followed by a Google search for Robert Plant and Jimmy Page singing “Rock and Roll” in Rio, in 1996 – I was there, at that amazing, incredible show that I never forgot. One of the most kick-ass moments in my life – I was so happy to see it again, and from another angle, and 14 years later (almost 15). That made me feel even happier – and alive.

Screw you, thyroid and etc, I am still here, and thank you, Doctor, for giving me that sort of revenge. It screwed my day, but it made it, too.

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